Interlude
by Sugar Kane
Summary: After Judge Thayer's allocution hearing, Claire confesses her true feelings for Ben. Complete.
1. Nothing to Lose

_The standard disclaimer applies: All characters are property of Dick Wolf and NBC Universal. Not mine, not making money._

_A/N: This story - or several chapters of it - has been published here before, but was removed because I wasn't happy with it. After much revision, it has returned. _**  
**

**I: Nothing to Lose**

The _ding _of the elevator bell signaled that it had stopped at the ninth floor. Claire Kincaid took a deep breath.

Rationally, she knew that this wasn't a good idea – but another, much larger part of her didn't care. Joel Thayer would be spending the next eighteen months in a cell in Rikers for his campaign of terror against Janet Rudman, but victory was bittersweet. It wasn't over for Claire; she still couldn't practice law, and reversing the censure would be a long and difficult process.

Claire had shored up her confidence with several glasses of Chardonnay, and felt slightly tipsy. She hoped that she wouldn't run into Adam, but then again, it didn't matter. Even if the censure was reversed, the fact remained that she had resigned and was no longer an employee of the New York County District Attorney's Office. That made a big difference in what she was about to do.

She thought the world of Ben Stone. He was a great lawyer – practically a legend at One Hogan Place. Everyone knew that he was next in line for the top job, and Schiff seemed to be grooming him for it. She'd been thankful for the opportunity to learn from him; it would do her well in private practice, if she ever got there.

She had always been attracted to him – older, powerful men had a tendency to do that to her. Unlike Thayer, Ben wasn't intentionally seductive; he had drawn her in with his decency and quiet charm, and he didn't even seem to realize it. Not that she wore her feelings on her sleeve.

Now things had changed. She had tried to keep her past – and her affair with Thayer – hidden. But the secret was out, and Ben wasn't her boss anymore. The irony was not lost on her; she didn't yet know whether she had escaped her professional disaster unscathed, and now she was…hell, she didn't know _what _she was doing.

Except that it involved Ben, and feelings that went way beyond professional.

As she walked the short distance to her former boss's office, she made a halfhearted last-ditch effort to talk herself out of it; the last thing she needed was a reputation for sleeping with her bosses. But that no longer mattered either. There were people who were going to talk no matter _what_ she did, and she had to know if her instincts were right.

If Ben Stone felt the same way towards her.

The clues were so subtle that she often wondered if they were really the product of her overactive imagination. But that was before Thayer's allocution hearing. There was something about Ben's insistence for the truth, the way he refused to let go until Thayer had confessed to everything. It seemed like more than simply justice for Janet Rudman.

She knocked on Ben's door. She didn't know what she was going to say to him or how, but she was going to find out.

­­­------------------------------

"Come in."

Claire stepped quietly into Ben's office, closing the door behind her. The window glass rattled, its sound echoing in her ears. It was funny, the things one noticed when nervous. She'd been in this office at least a few hundred times, yet never really heard that sound until now.

Ben sat behind his desk, a mess of paperwork in front of him. The top button of his shirt was unfastened, and his tie hung loosely around his neck. Behind him, the yellow glow of Centre Street leaked through partially closed window blinds. He looked up, focusing his gaze on her through his eternally crooked reading glasses.

"I wasn't expecting to see you here," he said.

She smiled, trying to project an image of confidence. _I saw this man every day for almost a year, _she thought. _I'm just having a conversation with him. No big deal._

"Actually, I'm glad you dropped by." He stacked the file folders on top of each other, clearing a space on his desk for them. "I thought you might be interested to know that Thayer isn't having an easy time in jail. He's begging to be moved to minimum security."

Claire tried not to smile at the thought of the mighty Joel Thayer begging for mercy. She also didn't want to discuss her old lover, but had no choice.

"What are you going to do?" she asked.

"Duck Arthur Gold's calls for a few days." A rare smile crossed Ben's face. "It's fun to watch him squirm."

"Gold or Thayer?"

He removed his glasses, setting them on the desk. "Take your pick. So, what brings you here?"

Claire paused. She had no idea how to approach this – it had to be just right. But she also had to think fast, and ended up going for the first plausible thing that popped into her mind.

"I wanted to thank you."

"Thank me?" He stood up, leaning in close to her. "For what?"

_Damn, does he have to do that _now? _It always makes me go weak._

"Janet Rudman's lucky," Claire said. "Her husband still loves her, and she can pick up the pieces. I may never practice law again. It's cold comfort, but you got justice for me as well."

"I was just doing my job, Claire. I wasn't going to plead Thayer out unless he agreed to full disclosure of the facts. And this was partly my fault – I should have listened when you asked to be removed from the case. I owe you an apology."

Claire decided that it was now or never. The Chardonnay was beginning to wear off, and she feared that her nerve would soon go with it.

"Apology accepted," she said, her voice wavering. "But – can I ask you a personal question?"

Ben looked surprised, then intrigued. "Sure, I guess."

"Have _you _ever been involved with someone you worked with?" She fully expected him to take offense.

He hesitated for a moment. "Once. A woman who used to be an ADA here – she's a defense attorney now, and a damn fine one at that. Why do you ask?"

"Would you ever consider doing it again?"

Ben sat down on the edge of his desk. "There's a guy up on the tenth floor who's known for this sort of thing. Jack McCoy. Perhaps you've met him – given how beautiful you are, I'd be surprised if you haven't."

_Oh my God. He just said that I was beautiful._

"I have no idea who he is. And you didn't answer my question." She placed her hand over Ben's, making her intent clear.

He was silent; his eyes widened in shock. Claire waited for his response – _any _response – but none was forthcoming. It became obvious that she had just made a terrible mistake. She'd assumed that Ben was somehow above interoffice affairs, but that turned out to not be the case. He just wasn't interested in _her. _

"I'm sorry," she stammered. "Forget that this ever happened." Determined to leave with some fragment of her dignity, she got out of there as quickly as she could without making a scene. Between this and having to tell the world that she'd slept with Joel Thayer, she didn't know which was worse.

_Maybe now I've learned my lesson._


	2. Regret

_A/N: "Erica" is Erica Stohlmeyer (played by Amy Aquino), the defense attorney from the Season One episode "Prisoner of Love."_

**II: Regret**

Ben sat on his desk in stunned silence.

Then he went for the drawer, retrieving the seldom-used flask and glass. He rarely drank at work, even refusing the occasional offer of Scotch from Adam. He preferred to save the booze for when things went horribly wrong. Like when he lost the case against those four homophobic cops; he sure managed to knock back a few drinks _that _night.

This, however, qualified as one of those things. It was ironic; it almost seemed a waste to break out the whiskey because a beautiful young woman had come on to him. If it were any other red-blooded male, the evening would likely have ended with something far different than drinking alone. Ben mused that Jack McCoy would probably be grinning like a cat with a mouthful of feathers right about now.

This reminded him of just why he was drinking in the first place.

The truth was, he cared deeply for Claire – oh hell, he was in love with her. It certainly hadn't been his intent when he hired her; she was a promising attorney who worked hard and paid her dues. She also happened to be the most beautiful creature he'd ever laid eyes on, but that was pure coincidence.

He had been involved with an assistant before, and it didn't work. He loved Erica, but they were both workaholics, and the combination of business and pleasure proved to be too much. Problems from work seeped into their relationship, and vice versa. She eventually crossed over to the defense, but by then it was too late. The damage was done.

It was painful, and he had avoided getting involved with co-workers ever since. Besides, he was married to his job, and scarcely had time for anything else – nor had he considered _making _time. But he was over fifty now, and his life consisted of work and little else. He realized that it wasn't much of a life at all, and wondered if it was the kind of existence he really wanted for himself.

Then there was his desire for Claire.

Ben kept his feelings deeply hidden beneath a carefully constructed professional demeanor. She was young enough to be his daughter – at least Erica was closer to his own age. He had an obligation to the People of the State of New York, but he also couldn't stand by and watch Thayer destroy Claire. So he did the only thing he could; he put the bastard away and got a confession out of him. He had no control over the disciplinary committee, but at least he gave her that much.

He remembered the strange pang in his heart when he learned about the affair. At first, he thought it was fury at not being told sooner; the case had been jeopardized, and he and Adam were stuck with high-profile egg on their faces. It took him a while, but he realized that it was actually jealousy. He wished that _he'd _been in Thayer's place.

Never in a million years had he expected Claire to be interested in him; she may as well have knocked him over the head with a two-by-four. And he'd thoroughly blown it, because he feared another broken heart.

_I'm a bloody idiot, _he thought as he poured himself another drink.

------------------------------

Claire lay awake, staring at the shadows on her ceiling. She tossed and turned, thinking about how stupid she'd been. She hadn't just risked her emotions, but her career. Or what remained of it.

_Good going. Even if the censure is lifted, there's no way Ben Stone will give me a good recommendation after what I just did. Shit, he probably thinks that what happened with Joel was my fault._

She'd been so sure that Ben cared for her, and it hurt more than any professional disaster ever could. It was déjà vu all over again. At least she hadn't slept with him.

------------------------------

"I haven't heard from you in over a year, Ben."

_Not since your marriage, _Ben thought.

During the Hendrick case, it was obvious that the old spark was still there. But Erica had made it clear that she was with someone else. Some doctor she'd met at a party. Ben called her out of the blue, inviting her for a drink at one of their old haunts. It wasn't because he particularly wanted to revisit the past; he simply ached for something familiar.

She sipped her gin and tonic. "The pay's much better on our side, you know. Perhaps you should consider calling it quits at the DA's office."

Ben laughed. "Call me crazy, but I enjoy the daily grind."

"You're planning to be chained to that place forever, huh? I would have thought that your run-in with Phillip Swann changed your outlook on things."

"Nope." The _last _thing Ben wanted was to talk about Phillip Swann. He had half-expected Erica to call and wish him luck on the civil deposition, but she didn't.

"It's your loss." She tossed back her long dark curls, her eyes meeting his. "There must be another reason why you asked me here, Ben."

Ben swallowed his Guinness, contemplating what she'd just said. He could have gone out for drinks with any number of old friends, yet he'd chosen her. Maybe screwing up with Claire wasn't enough. Maybe he _wanted _to excoriate himself.

"Could it ever have worked, Erica?"

She looked surprised. "That's long under the bridge, isn't it?"

"Yes. But I just want to know."

"Perhaps, if we hadn't just gone through divorces and weren't married to our jobs. I'm sure that being together 24/7 didn't help either." She emptied her glass. "Why are you asking me this, Ben?"

He purposely avoided the question. "Do you want another drink?"

------------------------------

Erica reached for her clothing.

She'd made the overture, her foot brushing against Ben's leg under the barroom table. It took him by surprise; he thought that she was happily married.

Normally he would have considered the implications of sleeping with another man's wife, but he hadn't been thinking at all. He could have blamed it on the combination of whiskey and beer, but that was too easy. The truth was that he'd wanted comfort, and it turned out that he wasn't the only one.

"I'm sorry, Ben," she said as she dressed. "Things between my husband and I aren't perfect, but I do love him. This was a mistake."

Ben pulled the blankets around himself. "I won't say anything, Erica. I think you can trust me."


	3. Replacements

**III: Replacements**

"To what do I owe this pleasure, Mr. Stone?"

Ben hadn't set foot in arraignment court in over two years – and even then, he only did so for high-profile cases. But he'd been stuck handling arraignments since Claire's resignation, and today he had three of them. Not to mention a hangover.

"I'm currently without an assistant, Your Honor," Ben replied, shuffling the papers in front of him. "Mr. Levesque is a French national, and there is a considerable risk of flight. The People request that he be remanded without bail."

"Ms. Bell?"

"The defendant has a business to attend to, Your Honor. Remanding him would cause tremendous financial hardship for his family."

"He has my sympathy, but this _is _a homicide. Bail is set at $100,000, cash or bond. And the defendant will surrender his passport."

------------------------------

Before work, Ben went to confession.

It was awkward, telling Father O'Reilly about his adultery with Erica. He'd poured out his soul to the kindly priest, saying in hushed tones that he'd done it because he'd been drunk and lonely – still, there was no excuse for his behavior, and he knew it. He'd done penance and received absolution, and it gave him some peace.

But he was starting to become angry with himself. He'd fired Claire months ago, when she failed to disclose pertinent information during the C-Square trial. But he took her back when he won the case; if he hadn't, perhaps he wouldn't be in this mess now.

Or perhaps he should have just stuck to male assistants.

Of all the attorneys who interviewed for Paul Robinette's job, there were six that he had seriously considered as replacements. Four were men; the remaining two were women. One, of course, was Claire. After Ben made his decision, Adam ribbed him for picking the ADA that was easiest on the eyes.

"That has nothing to do with it," Ben had said.

And that was the way he really saw it; he had hired her first, and fell in love with her later. Ben liked to believe that he was above the kind of behavior that Jack McCoy was so known for.

------------------------------

"I have someone in mind to replace Miss Kincaid," Adam said to Ben as they walked down the hall towards the older man's office.

A secretary passed Ben, handing him a document; he unfolded it, putting on his reading glasses. He'd been handling Claire's caseload as well as his own, and it was a heavy burden. But he wasn't ready to deal with replacing her just yet.

"I expect Claire to be back as soon as the censure is lifted," Ben replied.

"Why? You have a letter of resignation."

Ben scanned the defense motion. "She didn't have a choice, Adam. The media was breathing down her neck, and so were you."

"When did this change of heart happen?" Adam asked. "I seem to recall that you were very angry when she told you that she'd had an affair with Thayer."

"Claire's a good lawyer. She doesn't deserve to have her career ruined over this."

"Uh-huh," Adam said sarcastically.

Ben took off his reading glasses. "What is _that _supposed to mean?"

"Would you be saying that she wasn't drop dead gorgeous?"

Ben's eyes met Adam's. "Sir, that is uncalled for. Now, I have a change of venue motion to contend with. I have to go."

"Change of venue –"

But he was down the hall and gone before Adam could say another word.

------------------------------

Claire sighed as she browsed through the want ads.

It was over. She planned to return to the District Attorney's Office after her name was cleared – but not now. Dealing with Joel Thayer's lies and threats had been hard enough; she wasn't about to subject herself to more humiliation by facing Ben Stone again.

All she could do now was pick up the pieces – of her career and shattered heart – and move on.


	4. The Confession

**IV: The Confession**

Ben had to get it off his chest.

He hadn't told the priest about Claire; to him, it wasn't a sin. And he wasn't sure whether he should confide in Adam, but didn't see where he had much choice. There was no one else to whom Ben could turn; Adam was like a father to him.

He knocked on the door before stepping inside, quietly closing it behind him. "You were right," he said before the older man could get in a word. "I'm in love with Claire."

Adam was silent, his expression unchanged.

"You look unsurprised."

"That's because I always knew."

Ben swallowed hard. "You _knew? _I was that transparent?"

Adam smiled slightly. "Not transparent, my boy – I just happen to know you better than anyone. And besides, the girl is beautiful. If you weren't in love with her, I'd think there was something wrong with you."

"Well, I blew it," Ben said, sitting down on one of the leather chairs. "She came to my office yesterday. We were talking about Thayer, and she let me know that she was interested in me. But I was like a deer caught in the headlights. I pushed her away."

"Because of Erica," Adam concluded.

Ben nodded hesitantly. "I know that it was a long time ago, but it –"

"Tore you up. You don't have to tell me that, Ben. I was there, remember?"

"And I thought it would be best if I stayed away from office romances."

"That's all fine and good, but have you looked at yourself lately?" Adam said. "You're chained to this job day in and day out, and humans – no, _you_ – need more than that."

"Wait a minute. You're suggesting that I pursue a relationship with Claire?"

"I'm not suggesting anything." Adam shuffled some papers on his desk. "What you do in your private life is your own business. I just want you to be happy."

"But you're the one who's always complaining about Jack McCoy."

"I don't think you're about to romance every lawyer in a skirt. Look, you just said yourself that you're in love with Miss Kincaid, and that she reciprocated those feelings. From where I sit, that's a good thing."

"And it's moot," Ben said sadly. "She resigned, and I don't think she'll be back."

"You have her phone number, don't you?" Adam asked.

"Yes, but –"

"Call her."

"I can't do that, Adam," Ben said, burying his face in his hands.

"Just how badly do you want this girl?" Adam demanded.

Ben gripped the leather armrests. "As badly as I've ever wanted anything in my entire life," he admitted.

"Then you're going to have to bite the bullet."

"And you don't have a problem with this?"

"Why would I?" Adam said. "Miss Kincaid no longer works here. And even if she did, I trust that you would keep your private lives out of this office."

------------------------------

In the dim light of his office, Ben was trying to distract himself with work. So far, he wasn't succeeding; thoughts of Claire intervened, taking his attention from the stack of files on his desk. His eyes also kept wandering toward the phone.

_Call her, _Adam had said. Easier said than done; it wasn't Adam's heart on the line.

Finally, Ben picked up his address book. He found Claire's number easily, taking several deep breaths before dialing. As it rang, he fought with himself to avoid hanging up.

_You've reached 212-555-3789. I can't take your call right now, but please leave a message at the tone. Thank you._

Ben could either talk to the machine or call back later, and he didn't think he would have the nerve to do the latter.

"Claire, it's Ben," he said. "Uh, about yesterday – you caught me off-guard, and I didn't mean to react the way I did. I, uh…wanted to tell you that I feel the same way. And I always have. Please call me. I'd like to talk to you."

Ben gently returned the receiver to its cradle.

It was done. The ball was in her court now.

------------------------------

The light on Claire's answering machine blinked insistently. Two messages since she'd gone to the gym.

She pressed PLAY, ignoring the first message from a telemarketer while she hung up her coat. Then Ben Stone's voice came out of the machine, and she stopped in her tracks.

"Claire, it's Ben. Uh, about yesterday –"

The rest of the message was lost in a mess of garbled tape.


	5. Decisions

**V: Decisions**

Claire tried to fix the answering machine tape, but it was of no use. The remainder of Ben's message was completely unintelligible.

_Dammit, _she thought. She was just starting to talk herself into forgetting about him. She had applied to several law firms, hoping that one of them would take the risk of hiring a censured lawyer, and was planning to put this whole mess behind her. Obviously, there was something Ben wanted to tell her; he wouldn't have called otherwise.

It might be nothing. It might be everything.

The only way Claire would know was if she ventured to find out. She wasn't keen on humiliating herself again in the event that it was nothing, but if that was what it took…

------------------------------

Once again, the halls at One Hogan Place were darkened; in the distance, Claire could hear a vacuum cleaner running. Many people had already gone home for the evening, but a few dedicated attorneys remained. She knew that Ben would be one of them. He was always one to burn the midnight oil, never leaving until there was absolutely nothing left to accomplish until morning.

Once again, Claire had nothing to lose. Except her pride, maybe, but she'd already sacrificed that when she told Ben how she felt. She'd thought it over, torturing herself with the ruined tape, and she realized that she wouldn't be able to forgive herself if she didn't come here and find out what Ben wanted. If nothing else, she needed closure. Still, she could hear her heart pound as she took the final steps toward his office.

"Knock, knock," she said, leaning against the door frame. She stepped into the office, closing the door behind her.

Ben looked up, pulling off his reading glasses and stuffing them in his pocket. He stood up from behind his desk, crossing his arms and sitting on the large wooden table.

"You got my message," he said.

"Not quite." Claire smiled nervously. "My machine went on the fritz. I only know that you wanted to tell me something about last night. That's why I'm here."

"Okay." Ben took a deep breath. "I'll keep it simple, then. I love you, Claire."

There it was; what Claire had wanted to hear twenty-four hours ago. The words hit her with the strength of a thousand bricks, and she almost had to pinch herself to make sure that she wasn't actually dreaming.

"You…you do?" she asked.

Ben sighed. "I've loved you from the moment I first laid eyes on you. I should have told you when you came here the first time, but to tell you the truth, you might as well have hit me over the head with a two-by-four. I never expected you to have feelings for me."

"So you _were _protecting me."

"Yes, Claire, I was. I couldn't stand to watch Thayer hurt you. The way he tried to ruin your career…it took every ounce of strength I had to not haul off and punch the bastard."

"Thank you," Claire said. "I truly mean that."

"I wouldn't have done it any other way," Ben replied. "I don't take kindly to people hurting those I care about."

"Now I guess the question is where do we go from here?" Claire asked.

Ben leaned in close. "I want to be your partner, Claire. I want you to come back as my assistant. And I want to kiss you, although here might not be the best place."

"To hell with propriety." Claire wrapped her arms around Ben, pressing her lips to his.

_finis_


End file.
